I don’t think insightful people always have all the right answers, but really, the right questions. When someone asks me a question I would never ask myself, they are doing something God can use to change me. They embody both Christ and the Holy Spirit.
First, as Christ they bring sight to blind eyes. The Bible addresses the darkest places of human experience. Questions help me see how the Bible explains my circumstances. Secondly, as the Holy Spirit, good questions can bring me to new levels or repentance, just like the Spirit, which shows us our sin and leads us to Christ.
These questions are from an excellent book I am nearly finished reading titled Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul David Tripp. Here are several revealing, open-ended questions about marriage that “cannot be answered without a person disclosing what he is thinking, what he wants, and what he is doing.”
- What things did you see in this person that made you want to marry him?
- What were your goals for your marriage when you were engaged?
- What things in your marriage make you sad?
- What things in your marriage make you happy?
- If you could press a button and change your marriage, how would it change?
- In what ways do you think God is honored in your marriage?
- How would you characterize your communication with your spouse?
- Describe how you and your spouse arrive at decisions.
- Describe how you as a couple resolve conflicts.
- How would you describe your spiritual life as a couple?
- Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages?
- Why do you think you have struggled as a couple?
- What do you see as the strengths in your marriage?
- What do you see as the weaknesses in your marriage?
- What do you think you need to do as a couple to get from where you are to where you need to be?
- Describe the marriage of your dreams.
- What could your spouse do to greatly change you marriage?
- What problems in your marriage do you see as your responsibility?
- What do you think God is doing in your marriage right now?
- What do you think keeps you as a couple from solving your problems?
- Describe how your marriage has changed over the years.
- When you are hurt or angry with your spouse, what do you do?
- How do you communicate dissatisfaction with your spouse?
- Pick one area of your marriage where you think you have problems. Describe what is wrong and what each of you have done to solve it.
- In what ways have you attempted to communicate love and appreciation to your spouse?
- What are the biggest hot buttons in your marriage?
My prayer is this might serve as a starting point to get great conversation going within your marriage. Or maybe, with a married friend needing help. Dave and I will be working our way through them together too! Maybe one question each night after dinner?