One week ago today, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (colloquially known as Hobbitz 2) debuted in theaters. This is my obligatory post about it. True to my mid-twenties aging form, I did not go to a midnight showing. In fact, I didn’t even go opening weekend. If I want to ruffle David’s feathers as quickly as possible, I bring up that any part of the Hobbit franchise, is/was/will disappoint or underperform. I give this one a 5/10, which is pretty terrible as the Lord of the Rings movies are my standard for a perfect 10. (Hobbitz 1 gets a 7.)
As I shared on social media after seeing it, “watching the Hobbit is like seeing a loved one slowly make terrible life choices.” I haven’t even read the books, and I could tell there was a lot thrown in to draw this thing out into three movies.
First, I’ll find something nice to say before I list my dislikes. Martin Freeman as Bilbo is spot on. Benedict Cumberbatch could play Smaug just wearing a children’s dragon costume and he would still be great. (I might even prefer it.) The fat dwarf had be lol-ing more than once. Loved the Legolas & Gimli shout out moment with Gloin. Also, I liked the bear guy. More of him, please.
Now, my gripes.
- Get this wannabe Arwen character out of my sight. I’m not trying to be mean to you, Evangeline Lilly. It’s not your fault. You did your best with a bad situation.
- TOO MUCH CGI. Too much CGI. The pale orc should be a real dude in costume. It’d be so much better. The LOTR films used special effects for fight scenes sparingly and it was for the best. Why does everyone look overly-airbrushed even when it’s just a face talking?
- I almost booed in the theatre when they put the “Bree, near the Shire” caption on the screen. If there’s one thing this trilogy needs to do, it is to be harmonious and stylistically identical to LOTR. That means no captions. Or use the right font, at minimum.
- I could not have less of an idea of what was going on in the Gandalf plot line.
- Not enough impressive shots of Smaug. This is where to get your CGI fix, Peter.
- Were they trying to get me to like, hate Legolas or something?
That’s it. And who are we kidding? There is nothing Peter Jackson will make of Tolkien that I won’t see. He made my three of favorite movies of all time. I hold out that Hobbitz 3 could be something great. What percentage of my readers also love LOTR?
CHERRY CAKE BARS
Serves 24 bars
1/2 pound butter, softened
1 and 1/2 cups sugar
4 eggs
3 cups flour
1 and 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
40 ounces cherry pie filling
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together butter and sugar. Add eggs, flour, baking powder, salt, and vanilla. Continue to mix.
Put 2/3 batter into a greased, rimmed baking sheet. Spread into an even layer. Pour cherries over top.
Drop remaining batter on to cherries. Bake for 40 minutes.
- ½ pound butter, softened
- 1 and ½ cups sugar
- 4 eggs
- 3 cups flour
- 1 and ½ teaspoons baking powder
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 40 ounces cherry pie filling
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Cream together butter and sugar.
- Add eggs, flour, baking powder, salt, and vanilla. Continue to mix.
- Put ⅔ batter into a greased, rimmed baking sheet. Spread into an even layer.
- Pour cherries over top.
- Drop remaining batter on to cherries.
- Bake for 40 minutes.