This post is part of the “ASKING MOMS” series. I love hearing from other mothers who propel or inspire me. We write about a specific topic and one mother’s approach to it with her family. I love interviews so much and hearing from these women has always proven fascinating!Today’s interview is Mary Beeke, wife to Pastor Joel Beeke, mother of three, and grandmother of nine. And our topic is teaching children to be hard workers.

Mary has also authored a great book on this very topic – Teach Them to Work.

What are the benefits of children being included in the family’s work, and families working together?

God’s pattern for us as His image-bearers is to obey and love Him, to marry and to bear children, to work and provide for ourselves and our family, and to worship Him and honor Him in all we do. We bring up our children in the fear and nurture of the Lord, trusting in His covenant and praying they will know Him as their Savior. So the first benefit is that we, as a family, are obeying God and fulfilling His purpose for our lives. 

Flowing from that, we are training our children, over the course of approximately 18 years, to be independent and productive adults who love God and their neighbor. We teach them many skills, from cooking and cleaning, to specialized skills that might lead to their career. Attaining skills grows confidence.

There are more tangible and intangible benefits. As our children contribute to carrying the family workload, they get to enjoy the benefits of food and shelter. They have a sense of belonging in the family and they learn to serve each other. We are able to spend quality family time together. They gain a sense of accomplishment from completing enjoyable tasks, menial tasks, as well as difficult tasks. They will feel fulfilled and this will make them happy and content.

Could you explain the four ingredients you write about for the atmosphere of a home – love, encouragement, expectation, and example?

Love is the embodiment of God’s moral teaching. So if the aim of our whole life is to love God above all and our neighbor as ourselves, then this must certainly be the foundation of our homes. Family love is a gift of God that He plants in our hearts, though it can be challenged at times. Our home must be a refuge. This love underlies teaching our children to work, though they might see it differently. So even when they resist work and when they exasperate us, we pray that love drives us to do what is best for them. We will need to use tough love at times, just as God our Father needs to show us when we need it. 

Through the easy times and the hard times of rearing our children, we need to encourage them with our words and our attitude, “Yes, it’s a big job to clean your room, but you can do it, and you’ll love the finished product!” Our attitude shapes our children’s attitudes.  An optimistic, can-do outlook on life and work will most likely rub off on our children, though it may take years.

Example and expectation go hand in hand. We demonstrate by our lifestyle that work is a big part of life. We don’t complain about it, but we approach it with vigor and joy because work is a gift of God. It naturally follows that we expect our children to work on tasks fitting to their age and ability. Children sense our attitude. If we are afraid of working our children too hard, they will likely capitalize on our hesitancy and wiggle out of work. But if they sense that “There is no negotiating with Mom and Dad on this, and even whining won’t work,” they will buckle down and get the job done. Work with them until they master the task, instruct them, encourage them, and thank them for a job well done. 

How do you you transfer a child from parent disciplined to self discipline?

They are born as sinners. God has tasked us, as parents, to “Train up a [your] child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This is a complex and difficult job. We can’t do it alone. We need God’s wisdom and strength, found in the pages of scripture and through prayer. Each one of our children is unique, so we need to find a balance between treating them all fairly and training each one according to their strengths and weaknesses. Many children will resist work in some way, but we must persist. We will need to discipline them, so that they learn acceptable behavior. Remember, a young child understands cause-and-effect events, so we instruct and, or discipline them when they misbehave. When they get older, they can think in more abstract ways, so they understand the value of self-discipline. Discipline, grounded in love, coupled with instruction and building positive habits over the course of many years will result, by God’s grace, in our children taking responsibility for themselves.

Why should christian women maintain orderly homes with their children?

If we look at the example of the Proverbs 31 woman, we have to conclude that she maintained an orderly home: “She looketh well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). God is an orderly God, so we should follow His example. There are many practical benefits to an orderly home: we enjoy a more peaceful atmosphere, orderly surroundings help us think in an orderly way, we can work more efficiently, we pay our bills on time, we can find things when we need them, and we have less stress when we need to get ready to go somewhere. Teaching our children the art of orderliness may take years, but they will reap the benefits lifelong. 

But let’s not take orderliness too far by being inflexible, by demanding our children be perfectly tidy, or by being angry or irritable when things are out of order. Let’s be realistic—childhood is messy. Let’s strive for balance—to have our house in a reasonable degree of order, but being able to roll with the punches that will inevitably come.

Could you share a few job ideas for each age range of childhood?

I am convinced that very young children have an innate desire to be big like mommy and daddy, so they like toy lawn-mowers and kitchens. We can nurture this excitement by involving them in our daily tasks, in other words, by teaching them to work as soon as they are able. Children love to play with water, so let them stand on a stool, stand behind them with your arms around them and wash dishes together. Sit in the middle of the living room floor and fold clothes—give the washcloths to the toddlers. Little kids, little tasks. Most children have a streak of independence—don’t squelch it. Let them feed themselves. It will make a mess, but they will learn. Let them do as many self-care tasks as they can, when time allows. If they get frustrated or stuck, help them, teach them, encourage them, and then praise them when they accomplish the task. Start early, so they never remember a time they didn’t work. The extra time invested in training them young will pay off when they become independent at a young age. Don’t do all the work yourself because you want it done perfectly, but expect effort and improvement from your children. Rome wasn’t built in a day. 

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Thank you Mary. What a wealth of wisdom! You can purchase her book, Teach Them to Work, on amazon here.

Other posts in the “Asking Moms” series are how do you mother with chronic pain or longterm illness? and how have you healed from miscarriage?