Dear Rachel, I am wondering your thoughts on speaking to your husband when you have concerns about something he is doing. To me it sounds as if you’re saying not to bring it up at all? I am under the impression that it wouldn’t be unbiblical to bring things up in a respectful manner if something is on your mind as long as it’s not constant or nagging, or if he ultimately has the final call and you submit to him. What are your thoughts on this?
Sincerely,
Wanting to Be Respectful
Dear Wanting to Be Respectful,
Yes, a woman can make an appeal to her husband as his helper. She must do it wisely.
First, do it on selective, important issues. Every relationship you have, whether it be a friend, your husband, a family member, or an organization you are a part of, can only relationally handle so much criticism or questioning from you. Choose the matters you need to confront on with great priority. I do not want to use any relational commodity on a parking space. You’re communicating to him he is too dumb to make a decision on a parking space on his own. Is the thing you want to confront on a mere preference? Remember, you are trying to make his dream, ideal life come true.
Next, the desire to appeal often comes in areas of the marriage that are contentious, or have history. If a woman has been characterized by trying to control her husband and not acting like he is the king she labors for, the first thing she needs to do is confess she has been out of her lane, unfeminine, and trying to make him her helper. This could be wholistically in the marriage, or she does it on the reoccurring issue. Ask for forgiveness and explain the specific behaviors you intend to stop.
After a wife has had that exchange without caveat, she can begin to rebuild his trust. If you’ve already said your piece on that matter in the past (well or poorly), you are already done for a while. He knows and he will decide. Now you PRAY about it every time you want to say something. (Over all of this is that you should not obey a command from your husband to break God’s law. I think you knew this.)
After a good while, you can learn to make a gentle appeal on occasion. Even gentle appeals have a limit. My counsel would be only to do a repeat appeal if you have significant new information. Your demeanor must be yielding and ready to accept instruction. No preaching.
Do not lose sight that you are before a king in his court. A good marriage is intimate and friendly, but he is the king of your household nonetheless.
Expect that he might not change course from what you shared. Then, you get to work on any changes you need to make or problems to solve to meet his vision.
Do this well, and you will become his most trusted confidant. He might ask for your wisdom often. ♥️
This post is part of the mail bag series. You can submit a question on femininity by dm on instagram or e-mailing [email protected].
